Utter Despondency

Last week was miserable. I didn't want to blog until I had something to write about but it was nothing but a week of frustrations.

After the bjs earlier in the week nothing much came up. With my period before that it was what, 2 weeks without sex?!! Most of my friends are out of town or busy or just not around. But there is just not much going on. Who knows, maybe it's the market but there just were not many guys around looking to get together. The guys I did come across who were cool and I could be into, it seems I was mainly coming across guys who were more into maybe an NSA or something and didn't really get the erotics thing. Then there were 2 guys I did meet, one for dinner, one for lunch. Decent enough company but otherwise a waste of time.  Neither of them could host, I'm not sure what could be expected but both guys seemed more to want someone to date, to go out with, spend time with, more so than the sex part.  And I seriously doubted either wants to take care of their women much (else I would not have had to pay for my own cab).  

Then there's all the chatty guys.  You'd think there'd be more room for mixups with less screening but oddly enough it's often the opposite.  First, it's a good vibe from the start, like you get along naturally.  You "gel", is what I say.  But it kind of implies something about the personality of the guy, too, who will meet up spontaneously without a lot of correspondence first.  There's a confidence and self-assuredness that's needed, easy going, not so uptight, and sort of an optimism, a positive perspective, which also shows a person's life experiences, does the person have good or bad experiences meeting new people, is it easy to meet people?  Do people want to meet you?

When it goes back and forth too long he'll likely be a waffle.  Some  guys will want to chat ad infinitum.  I think a lot of people are online because there's something they want but in the end can only talk about but aren't ready to go through with.  When the chatting drags on, well it seems there's something you're unsure about. So face it, there's something not striking you right. Drop it.  But then too there's the friends, we probably all have them, who always want to chat!  Given my frame of mind last week, by the end of it everything was starting to get on my nerves, lol.

Finally, finally, finally! something came up for Sunday.  Semi desperate at that point I was willing to venture toWestchester.  We had chatted about it for a few days, (this time it was me who was waffling, lol).  He's an older guy, mid 50s.  His picture was ok, once a very handsome guy but definitely starting to show his age.  He was nice enough and seemed like a cool, easy going guy so I gave it a go.  

For my first return from my short abstinence stint it could have been 100 times better...  Poor guy, unfortunately he had to meet me after a couple weeks of abstinence and frustration! lol.  Needless to say, I was not at my best and brightest sunny personality.  He was as in his picture, a formerly handsome guy who is beginning to be old.  I can't say if it was age or how long it's been that way but his penis doesn't work very well.  And a terrible shame because if it could get hard it is a beautiful cock!  Large and thick and nicely shaped, I would very much like to see a cock like that fully hard!  ;-))

With his difficulties he's very into outfits and had me bring my little school girl outfit and lingerie to change into.  He was semi hard most of the time and would get kind of hard but it would go away easily, we'd play around upstairs and would keep having to go back downstairs for a break.  He loved the oral but even then wasn't hard enough after.  Without being able to do more his partner's arousal is key and he loved when I came.  I didn't cum as hard as I usually do but it's still very intense and expressive, I guess, guys love it.  He did manage to get hard enough eventually, though if I remember correctly I don't think he ever did cum.  

In an email afterward he said my orgasm was exceptional but the one that made me laugh was "the poster lady for the best cocksucker ever."  That's one I haven't heard before! lol.  He's a nice guy, we had fun, and when I was back on the train I found a large wad in my bag.  He definitely knows how to take his ladies, I'd be foolish not to want to see him again.  

But the sex was not very satisfying.  When I got home in the evening I was still dying for some good sex.  And given the crappy week, I wanted a hug.  I really wanted to see one of my better friends and took a look around who might be around on a Sunday night.  I was shocked when my email to heartbreaker got bounced back to me.  What the...?!  He's disappearing again?!?!!  Dammit!  I sent him a text message but he messaged me back that he had kept my contact info, he wasn't disappearing.  We talked on the phone some and I ended up going down to his place for a while.  Sounds like it should be just the perfect thing I needed... in theory.

As nice as it could have been, it was a little painful too.  We get along way too well than is good for either of us.  We talked about it some, which was good.  He has some serious attachment issues.  Which is fine by me as I am rather anti-attachment, myself.  But for whatever reasons, same as before he's a complete chicken shit about how drawn we are to each other.  Since we've started seeing each other again he's been making a lot of effort to be sure not to get too close.  It's kind of hard to see him when he's trying not to like me.  We still totally click and have a great time, so easy spending time together, but a little painful too.  And sadly not as satisfying as I'd have liked.  Blowing him is always oh, so good.  He is positively delicious and fits perfectly down my throat, long and not too thick, and pushes my head down, just the perfect amount of roughness.  When he had me over the back of the couch though, he didn't last longer than an instant.  And being that he couldn't allow us to hang out too long, there wasn't going to be a follow up.

Monday morning, I looked around some more for another friend it would be nice to see and got into a fun, naughty chat with "backdoor massage".  We've been together for a while and have grown to be pretty good friends, just what I needed!  He got out of work on the early side to get together for our usual fun.  We always have nice conversations talking about all sorts of things under the sun while I give him a full body massage first.  He has nice, baby soft skin and a perfect round ass that he likes licked when I swallow his cock.  We had chatted about doing anal but we didn't get around to it.  It felt so damned good I didn't really care anyway, lol.  That was just what I was needing!

I was maybe going to go down to Murray Hill later to meet a guy I had been chatting with but that didn't end up going through and we set it up for the next night instead.  He's an average looking Greek guy, a few years younger than me.  He's the fairly open minded European type and was very excited to get together.  Not the best looking guy I see but his open mindedness and excitement was very sexy.  He had a nice, thick headed cock with what would have been a nice shape except that it curved up a little bit.  At least not to the side, which can be deadly.  But the curve doesn't go down the throat well.  He loved how I swallowed him anyway, sticking on that for a while, licking his ass and sucking on his balls.  He didn't last so long the first time so he had me suck on him to get him hard again, the first was too quick for him to get to fuck my ass.  He's pretty big and pushed in too quickly so I'd have to stop and it took a few tries before he could refrain himself long enough to get it in all the way.  He's pretty big and with the bend it was extra tight, I came hard right away.  Sucks for him because he was too big for me to keep going after I had cum.  He was nearly there anyway and just jerked off while I sucked on his balls and he came on my face.  It was a pretty fun night, though he kinda hurt my ass a little.

Other than that, took care of all the last odds and ends to go back to school and put my application in today.  That's good!!  Finally getting my ass back in school for a second degree.  Get to look forward to summer school rehashing calculus, yay.

Time I start getting ready for dinner with the Dr...